Via Flickr:
I'm very far behind in Project SoulPancake. I'm just now catching up on Week Three while everyone else is already on Week Nine. I'm far behind on my journey to help develop my soul, and I've been left behind. Sometimes I hate when life gets in the way of my creativity.
There have been moments in the past 6 weeks that I have felt that I'd rather have someone punch me really hard then to deal with those issues. Life is handing me so much more than I thought I can handle, and my priorities have been shaken.
School or work? Photography or a real job? The realization that I am an adult now and have responsibilities freaks me out. The idea that all my friends are getting married or having children freaks me out. I feel like I'm being left behind while everyone else is "growing up".
I felt really depressed last week. I'm better now but it lasted a few days. It was the feeling of emptiness and the feeling of being "good enough".
I felt this feeling after the awesome wedding I shot last Saturday with Audrey Snow Photography.
At first I didnt know why I was so depressed and upset. Why all of a sudden I hated all of my photos, all of my photography and I hated seeing other people's work because I felt that I sucked so badly I should just stop doing photography altogether. And then I realized why I was feeling that way...
I felt empty because I did not get to edit my photos, I was not able to fulfill my creative need.
There was always this question: are you a photographer for the sake of shooting, or the process of the image?
I realized that I was a photographer for the entire process. When I have an idea in my head, I want to see it executed from when the shutter clicks to delivery. It was very hard for me to get over this boulder in the road until I realized exactly why I was feeling the way I felt.
Strange, I've hired second shooters before where I personally took their RAW files and edited them myself for my clients. I wonder if they felt the empty feelings I did.
What do you guys think? Let me know I want to know your thoughts!
Thursday, March 31, 2011
Can You Relate?
Monday, March 28, 2011
Hi There! Want To Be My Friend?
After months of dragging my feet, I have finally started a photoblog of my work. I will be posting photos, talking about my experiences while making the photos, and in general, I'm just going to talk photography - a lot. I love photography and I love what I do. I am constantly learning and trying to do different things.
I started my love for photography when I bought my first camera in 2005. It was a badass sony cybershot 7.2mp camera. (It still takes better pictures today then most cameras on the market, except I gave it to my little brother and it's gone now). Now, at the time, I just thought it was so cool, my first big purchase (I was 16 and paid for it with hard earned cash) and my first digital camera. I remember in 2005, having a digital camera was just starting to get semi-affordable (the sony was $400), and I was just taking pictures left and right - I loved it. With the creation of myspace and photobucket, sharing photos was easy and fun. But I wasn't a photographer, I was just someone with a camera.
In 2008, I bought my first used DSLR, the A100 (another Sony), and was absolutely terrified of it. It had so many buttons, knobs and do-hickeys. I thought it was SO BIG. (Ha, you should see some of the gear I lug around now. A100 below)
I have then become known as "the girl with the camera." I took pictures of birds, bugs, and plants. Things that didn't move. I soon started getting competitive among some photography friends, but then I got bored and my camera got packed away.
For the next few months it sat in my closet, untouched, unloved, unnoticed, until my trip to Chicago, and eventually meeting James Greco, my mentor.
I met James Greco, current photography instructor at Florida Gulf Coast University at an FGCU event during Spring 2009, and we started talking photography. He convinced me to take his photography class in Fall 2009, and we kept in touch via Flickr, just up until I became heavily involved in his class.
I panicked when I found out I got into his class. I was completely worried that I would suck so badly everyone would laugh, because I thought that the photography class would be filled with photography students who wanted to do this kind of art as a living, and all I wanted to do was take better pictures.
So I started preparing over the summer for his upper level digital photography class - I started my Project 365 - self portraits. As it turned out, I was one of his best students (ever) and his expectations of me kept me pushing the envelope and creating better and better pictures.
Day 1/365
I started my love for photography when I bought my first camera in 2005. It was a badass sony cybershot 7.2mp camera. (It still takes better pictures today then most cameras on the market, except I gave it to my little brother and it's gone now). Now, at the time, I just thought it was so cool, my first big purchase (I was 16 and paid for it with hard earned cash) and my first digital camera. I remember in 2005, having a digital camera was just starting to get semi-affordable (the sony was $400), and I was just taking pictures left and right - I loved it. With the creation of myspace and photobucket, sharing photos was easy and fun. But I wasn't a photographer, I was just someone with a camera.
In 2008, I bought my first used DSLR, the A100 (another Sony), and was absolutely terrified of it. It had so many buttons, knobs and do-hickeys. I thought it was SO BIG. (Ha, you should see some of the gear I lug around now. A100 below)
I have then become known as "the girl with the camera." I took pictures of birds, bugs, and plants. Things that didn't move. I soon started getting competitive among some photography friends, but then I got bored and my camera got packed away.
For the next few months it sat in my closet, untouched, unloved, unnoticed, until my trip to Chicago, and eventually meeting James Greco, my mentor.
I panicked when I found out I got into his class. I was completely worried that I would suck so badly everyone would laugh, because I thought that the photography class would be filled with photography students who wanted to do this kind of art as a living, and all I wanted to do was take better pictures.
So I started preparing over the summer for his upper level digital photography class - I started my Project 365 - self portraits. As it turned out, I was one of his best students (ever) and his expectations of me kept me pushing the envelope and creating better and better pictures.
Day 1/365
From June 2, 2009 until June 1, 2010, I cried, whined, cheered, shared, loved, broke hearts, had my heart broken, battled, got explored, took crappy photos, made tons of friends, made some enemies, and changed my life.
I started my 365 as a way to force myself to use my camera and prepare for a class. I ended with something way better: a ton of close lifetime friends, some amazing photos, and the discovery of talent I thought I never possessed - I finally called myself a photographer.
Fast forward to today. If you want to catch up and find out more of the nitty gritty details of my life, head over to my Flickr, add me as a contact, and let's be friends :)
Today, I still have those up and down days where I think I suck monkey balls in photography and want to throw in the towel, but I'm too deep in this to stop now. Photography is and will always be a part of my life and I plan to pursue this and see where it takes me.
Will you join me in my journey?
C'mon, let's be friends :)
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